Laughter and tears

So much for my last post...it makes me laugh just thinking about how many times I've cried since then, and that was what...two days ago? lol.
Yesterday (Thursday) I was surprised by how well I was doing. I mean, I was able to go all day without crying even though there is so much hard stuff going on. And over all I was just happy. It was a good day. And then it got dark, and My dad started yelling...I did something wrong...I'm not really sure what it was this time, but I'm sure he had a reason. My brothers either won't just leave me alone or they act like they don't care about me at all. My best friend wouldn't text me back. I felt so alone and tired sitting on my bed in the dark, but I couldn't fall asleep. I started to cry. Soon I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe. I layed there for an hour before I could fall asleep. My pillow case is just gross. It's got make up and tear stains. There were a ton of people I knew I could text even though it was almost midnight, but I decided I'd be fine after I let some tears fall. I wrote some peomes there in the dark, I'll work on them and typ them up and post some maybe. As long as they are not too depressing. Yall don't need to worry about me...I'm fine, and I will be. Life is just confusing and hard right now. You can pray for me. Yeah, that would be great. But I don't need anyone to worry about me. I'm 15...I'm just going through things every other 15 year old girl goes through.
I just have this awful feeling of "EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" but at the sametime I just need someone to be with me. I want to go over to my friend Mychals house and just cry with her and listen to music and let her play with me hair, but shes out of town. So tonight again, I'll cry alone in the dark. Then I'll fall asleep and wake up feeling fine. I'll go to work and have a good day with Emily, and then come home tired. Sunday I'll go to church - more than likey something will make me cry. Either a song we sing or something the pastor says. Then I'll find the most joy I've had all week playing with all my best little friends. Then I'll spend the night with Liz and we'll talk and who knows what and I won't cry alone that night. :). And it will prepare me for the very hard day ahead of me that I'm dreading where I have to see "him." And its still not over by the way. We are still both confused. Life is fun, ain't it? lol.
I love yall. No ones commenting so I don't really know if anyone is reading this stuff....but I'm writing it for ME anyways. lol.

-Faith