Dear Dad,

Please don't read this. This is like my personal journal that I share with few very close girl friends. I also talk about pms quite often, and thats a topic I don't like sharing with my father much....so yeah, it'd be best if you didn't read this. Thanks.

I can live alone, yeah, i can watch the sunset on my own

Sorry is been so long, my loved ones. I've been so busy....like you don't even know. haha. But I'm finally back from all my camps and have a day at home doing more than just trying to catch up on sleep! Just so all of you know I've been doing SO much better as far as all the emotional stuff goes. Especially after camp :)
I went to Camp Agape, and Pacesetters, and I grew so much closer to God at both. I ended up being in the same group with Ruth at Pacesetters and I was so fearful of hurt through the week, but God mended our friendship through it and we are on a path of friendship again! God is so good! He has filled me with His peace and hopeless times really do end ;)
I'm finally so done with this boy. All the up and down emotions were so distracting from God and I'm done with that. And its so much easier now. I guess when I really make my mind up about something there really is no changing it. I'm just so much happier without him...and it just needs to stay that way. Its just not right...and even if it was...its not the right time for me anyway.
Today I am making dinner and a birthday cake for my good friend Jeremy because its his birthday :) Davids helping me with the cake but I'm cooking dinner all by myself. Woot woot. I'm excited.
Mychal is the best friend anyone could ever hope for.
I got a new phone and its sooooooo cute.
I love my family. Especially Baylie ;) and my brothers are still my best friends! And my mom is da bom.
I've kinda decided what I want to do when I graduate too now. I think I do want to minor in dance and major in some kinda of writing....and i really want to have a nanny job. haha.
I'm thinking about going to DBU and rooming with Mychal :D

I have a ton of poems I haven't typed up yet, but here are a few....


He led me in believe,
I followed naively,
He stopped to doubt,
I fell and shattered,
He asked to keep going,
But I could not forget,
He broke what I gave and could not get back.
Why give more to a boy of doubts?
He started again,
But I let him keep going,
Left behind I saw something glowing,
I grew closer to it,
It promised to never let go,
Then the boy came back looking to find me alone,
I felt my weakness,
Could not tell sweet smiles goodbye,
He asked what I was thinking,
I could only let out a sigh,
Inside of myself I was waiting for that glow to reappear,
“Here we go again”
Was my pitiful cry,
I care for this boy,
But I knew it was not right,
I kept praying and praying,
Then suddenly that glow filled me with light.




---written at pacesetters---

It’s the tears running down the smile on my face,
Its my head looking up with both hands raised,
Its You in my heart, Lord,
You’re my savior.

It’s the love that I feel when on me their hands lay,
When our heads are bowed down and around me they pray,
Its You in our hearts, Lord,
You’re making a change,
Come take my heart, Lord,
Because of You I’m no longer a slave,
You’re my savior,
You are the savior.

It’s the peace that I feel though the hardships been long,
It’s the trust that I have even when every things wrong,
Because of you I can love and stand strong,
Its all You,
Every part of me longs to be like You,
All the good in my heart is You.

I am yearning to know You,
Reveal Yourself please,
I am yearning to know You,
Consume every part of me,
I am yearning to know You,
I long to be with my King.
You’re my Savior,
You are the Savior,
You’re my Savior,
You are the Savior.



Comments!!!!

-Faith

Go, go, go!

sorry that i don't have time for a real update right now...maybe june. haha.

but just wanted to let everyone know -

May 11th TAFA showcase at Travis Ave. Baptist Church

May 12th Dance recital at Youth Orchestra Hall of Greater Fort Worth

May 19th Musical Extravaganza at Travis Ave. Baptist Church

All start at 7, all in Fort Worth!

sorry its been so long ....

update...hmmm.

I'm super busy. Like all the time. And although its very stressful, i like it better that way. I don't like having time to think. I don't know whats wrong with me...I do know I am one ridiculous person. lol. Prom is in two days. TWO DAYS. Every one keeps asking me if i'm excited...and I know I should be but when ever I get asked that I'm just like "yeah, whatever" and I don't know why. Now I have been feeling really bad since about Sunday, and yes, I am in bed sick right now...which is extremely stressful...since like I said...prom is in two freakin days. It also might be because I got asked, but my date had to back out at last minute. It also might be because the closest thing I ever had to some kind of "boy friend" is going with another girl. And yes, we are just friend, and no, I don't still want these feelings for him. But even though 99% of the time i deny them...they are still there. It also might be because another girl has the same dress as me. It also might be because I still have so much to do before then. There are some reasons...take your pick. Ugh. I don't know. I guess I just get so sick of pretending everything is okay, but when I stop pretending I feel so selfish because I really don't have anything to complain about. Also...I just really want to sorry for never writing about the amazing blessings that happen in my life. I really am going to make more of an effort to post about those...because really, there are so many.
I'm just confused. And I wish I wasn't. And although I'm very much the "go with the flow" kind of person...I can't help but wonder just where this flow is going sometimes.

~Faith

Trying to catch my breath

So I can't give much of an update since the last time I updated...I mean I'm pretty sure I've gone a few days without crying, which i guess you don't really notice when you aren't crying....so yeah. I'm still just hanging in there. I have amazing brothers and amazing friends, things are always changing, and I'm always on the go. I'm always behind in homework and no matter what I feel like I don't have enough free time. I take naps whenever I get the chance, but it takes me hours to fall asleep at night even though i'm always so so very tired. Chocolate is still my best friend. And homeade bobas aren't as good as Bethanys for sure.



-no title-

crickets chirp like laughter at my loneliness,
My thoughts of what I’ve done,
turn into wonders of what I’m doing and what’s to come,
some days your words are all I need,
and other days they leave me crying,
at times you are so hard to read,
or maybe I’m blinded by stupidity,
I try to take a step back,
But I’m only drawn in closer,
I’m sick and tired of being stuck,
But I can’t imagine moving either,
I’d like to stop a moment and catch my breath,
But that would give me time to think,
And I want to avoid my thoughts of regrets,
A day, a time, and crushing expectation seem to all pass so quickly,
But the emotions of my heart keep the brokenness still beating,
Another morning I wake up to face another day,
But then as I lie awake in bed,
With all the dark around me, to myself I say,
Just hold on one more time,
Patiently I’m waiting,
And I know no matter what I face each day,
I have the promise of eternal healing.

-Faithie

my never ending crazy busy life

I have a pimple between my eyes and it won't go away. I'm gone every day pretty much all day long. I'm happy if I go two days without crying. Most of the time I don't actually have a reason...i'm just so tired that that I don't even have enough energy to sleep so I cry instead. My days seem to long that I don't even know if I'll make it or not...but my weeks go by so fast that its overwhelming. Like I can't believe tomorrow is Wednesday already?!? I'm happy. My life is great. I'm so blessed. It's just that everything is so busy, I'm gone all the time, and I can't remember that last time that I wasn't tired. It doesn't help that everyone around me is falling apart. I feel like every day, every where I go, I am the shoulder to cry on. And it gets hard...because I need a shoulder to cry on too. And I know I'm selfish. But I feel like I try so hard to be there for my friends...but when I need them they have nothing left to give me. Now I get it because everyone feels the same way. Everyone feels like they have nothing left to give. Everyone is tired, busy, and hurting in some way right now. But can I just say...THANK GOD FOR THE SCROGGIN GIRLS!? :) They are amazing. Over all I'm doing great. I'm learning so much about God and His grace in my life. Its just that these days are hard and all I can do is hang on one day at a time.

-Faith

I love chocolate and naps...

I'm happy, and i've been happy the last few days. Like annoyingly happy. haha. Life hasn't stopped...I'm still getting hit every day with something new, but I guess the Lord is keeping me strong for the time being. My life is really confusing...or at least I confuse myself or it confusing me. Sometimes I wonder why I never open up to people...I mean sometimes I make stuff up to tell them when they ask just so I won't have to tell them what I'm actually feeling or going through. And then one of my friends...he sees through everything but my heart. That thing beating inside of me thats stops sometimes, but just for a second. And I'm sorry...but I like to be dramatic in my writings. I wonder what makes the things go through my head and what makes my heart feel the way it does and why I do the things I do. This is where is gets confusing. Because they all are so different. I just realized that I broke the same promise two this week. Crap. I need to go to bed. lol. Goodnight!