Choices and Taylor Swift

So these hard choices in life are starting to make me crazy. Its like...I know I have to walk away from something, but I don't want to. And then I talk myself into it and I want to and then I chicken out. And I feel this way but I can't say it. There are all these words in my head and I try to write them down, but they don't fit together because they are all about different things-so I have about 5 unfinished poems. I've been planing for a few months now that on 11/11 I would go to Target and get the new Taylor Swift cd (because thats the first day it comes out). Well I got it and I love it. One of the reasons I love Taylor Swift so much is because its like she wrote her songs for me. And I know that every other girl thinks that too, but she inspires me, and when I can't write I listen to her because the words she already wrote are the way I feel. I don't have regrets, but there are somethings I would do different if I had the chance. But then there are those things that if I was going to regret something it would be it and I wouldn't change it for the world. Weird huh? Yes. I'm weird. Yesterday one of my friends told me - "Faith you're so weird...oh wow you have beautiful eyes!...weirdo" haha. This made me laugh. I like be weird. I like who I am...or who I used to be. But it seems like I haven't been myself lately and its making me not enjoy life the way I should. A day goes by, and its gone. I hate this feeling of apathy that I let myself feel sometimes. But I don't know how to go back to the person I was...how can I change myself? Some of these changes are good. So maybe the answer is not changing myself, but making myself better. As Taylor Swift says - "I'm not a princess and this ain't a fairytale"
Sometimes life is just so wonderful you want to cry because you're scared it'll end and you'll never feel the same. And then sometimes its just so hard you want to cry. Either way you cry...because you're a girl. lol. I'm gonna feel the days I'm in, and if I need to cry I'm gonna cry, and I'm gonna laugh way to much and way to loud like I always do and not hold back. I'm 15. I'm not ready for love, sick of drama, and can't stand anymore fastfood or homework. This is life. This is me. I don't want to be anyone else, and if I could change myself I wouldn't know where to start. Thank goodness for Christ and His love and His grace. I'm happy. I really am. I just need a place to fall apart, and sense I can finally realize that Ruth no longer cares to be my friend without breaking down in tears...this place happends to be it.

-Wrote this this morning-

As I get ready to face another day,
I realize I've already started to walk away,
And as hard as it is I see that I'll be okay,
I can hear the rain outside my window,
Sounds like someone's running,
Running by,
I'd ask them to stay and sit with me,
But it's just the rain,
Just the rain,
And I hate this feeling of apathy,
But it keeps away the pain,
I wonder if someone's there,
No, it's just the rain,
I'm running out of time,
Got to make time for make up,
I guess it was to late when I decided to wake up,
The apathy is gone,
And the tears come streaming down,
But you can't tell cause I'm standing in the rain,
And the rain drops cover up the pain that drops,
Drops from my eyes,
I didn't want to admit it cause I didn't want to cry,
But to cry is just apart of life.



HIS
-Faith