I wish I would have read that a few months ago....

I just read the last two chapters of "I kissed dating goodbye" and the first three chapters of "Boy meets girl" - both by Joshua Harris. I'm wonder why I didn't read those last two chapters a few months ago. Maybe just maybe it would have opened my eyes a little more. And knowing that this guy HAD ALREADY read those chapters makes it even worse. So I've cried, I've gone from wanting him back to not caring at all, and now I'm going through the anger part. haha. Its just...he started this. He knew how I felt about "relationships" (I don't do them [right now[ ) anyways, so he knew how I felt about all of that and yet he still pushed and flirted and I was strong for awhile and then I just gave in. And it was great for months and we made all these plans and I tried so many times to slow it down because we didn't agree on some theology but then he said "we'd figure it out later" which now I see was him (even if he didn't mean to) just waiting till I would drop my beliefs for him, and then when it got to hard he changed his mind but did he tell me? no! I had to be the one to oficially end it because he wouldn't man up and do it himself! And I'm glad is over and I can see how wrong it really was and how we really were not meant to be and we never did do anything I really regret. I have learned a lot from it, and I can honestly see after writing this that its ME I'm mad at. I'm mad that I gave in and that I became that kind of girl and I'm mad at myself for letting myself feel those things and I'm mad that I fell apart when it was all over and I'm mad that I'm mad at myself because everyone has to go through this...there is really no getting around it... unless you are perfect like Jesus. AND NOW! oh guess what!? there is another guy who is messaging me at least once every day and always commenting on everything that has to do with me on facebook and flirting a whole lot and it feels so wrong. And I've told him that I don't date and am not interested so there is nothing else I can really do (don't get me wrong he is a great guy) but it feels so wrong! I honestly feel like I'm cheating on the other guy or something (and let me just say we were never even actually together!!!!) So its all very annoying and it makes it very hard to write and I hate feeling this way so its kinda driving me crazy. I remember how I felt about all this "dating" stuff just a few months ago....and now its all change and I wish I could just go back knowing what I know now. But then I think about it...would I really change anything?