I've tried to update twice :/

But it wouldn't let me!!



Okay, so here I am a few months later - and so much has changed. I haven't been making time to do my writing, but I've realized no matter how much sleep I get I'm still tired. It's like something is always weighing on me...so why not just stay up and get some writing done? It's been my answer to everything. "Just write it down and then I'll figure it out" but now its not that easy. So many things are hard, and so many things make me cry, which just makes me feel weak. I don't want to let stuff bother me, and I don't want to feel like I have to fix everything. I want the people around me to just be okay for 5 minutes. My life is great, and I am so freakin blessed its not even funny...and yet I sit here and find it so easy to find something to complain about. I want to be strong and I want to fly, but I don't ever want to fall down. Thats not the way life is though....falling down IS what makes you strong. In my head this all makes perfect sense, but I'm sure to the rest of you reading this its all just a bunch of confusing words that don't really fit together.



There are people out there right now that I am very angry with. I know its wrong to be angry, but its hard to forgive when the people don't want to be forgiven. My heart breaks so easily just because of my friends, which makes the fact that I am "In Like" with this guy even scarier. Oh, these teenage years are so fun. haha.



On a happier note - I'm am in LOVE with the little kids at my church. They bring me so much joy and when they run up to me with their arms open to give me a hug my heart just melts. I wish I had time to be silly and play with them every day. My sweet Ben, Emily, Jordyn, Anna, Andrew, Megan, Kate, Tristyn, and Kai. I love them.



Tonight I had a choice to make-

1. I could have joined in with some of my best friends who happend to be gossiping,

2. I could have just turned my head and ignored it,

3. Or I could have stuck up for my brother in Christ, the person they were gossiping about.



By the grace of God I choose number 3. and honestly I'm proud of myself. It turned out to be a big thing and now two of my best friends are mad at me, but I find comfort in knowing that the Lord knows my heart and my intentions. I found it so shocking that these girls would sit in Gods house while bad mouthing their fellow member of the body of Christ. And then I had to stop and back up and make sure I wasn't judging where I had no right to judge. You see, although I made the right choice this time, there are many many many many many many (get the point?) times I do the wrong thing and make the wrong choice. All I can do is pray, and ask my friends to pray for me. I wrote a very short poem on the way home-



Pure intentions misunderstood,
Disappointed tears,
Doing the right thing in fear,
Watching the body get sick,
Heart breaking reactions stick,
Is it really better this way?
Even knowing the things I’ll have to face?
These questions will not move me





I hope to update soon, and I'm sorry if this post was depressing, but I have no time to make it happier because I need to find some chocolate.

I love you all