It still hurts, and I hate it

I want and try to be strong...but I'm not. I have to fight apathy all day, and everytime I see him I just want to cry. It sucks. I miss talking to him and his friendship, but these feelings won't go away. I want my emotions and dreams to catch up with reality. I have such a good life...so I hate feeling this way. I looked really hott tonight though when I saw him. haha.


This is for a friend- shes having a tough time right now :(
i write what I feel and also what I see other people feeling...and on that note-


I’m sad,
I’m empty and broken,
Someone please hold me,
But only if you won’t ever let go,
These tears keep falling,
Will there ever be an end?
I’m living,
But I can’t feel the days I’m in,
Too much has happened,
Too much time wasted,
How can I forgive?
How can I be patient?
So many words,
Now I don’t know which were actually real,
Don’t know who to believe, who to trust,
Don’t know what to feel,
Wishing I could forget,
But at the same time wishing things could have stayed at the same pace,
What if things had never changed?
But its time to move on,
To keep living my life,
But sometimes it’s hard and I have to let myself break.


--dec. 5th--

I wake up every morning,
Reminded again,
Praying my dreams catch up with reality,
And I can see that laziness is the same as apathy,
That’s the war inside I’ve been fighting,
Now everyone around me is trying to tell me how to live,
And what to feel,
“Just leave me alone”
I try to shut out the world,
But I’m scared to be alone,
I want someone to hold me and never let me go,
I’m trying so hard to forget,
But everything reminds me,
And you make it look so easy to move on,
I’m sick of and tired of mixed messages,
I’m not that kind of girl that sits and plays the guessing game,
I’m going back to what I know,
Going forward with what I’ve learned from you,
And I know its gonna be hard to leave you behind,
But I’m done not being strong enough,


--dec. 6th--

I’m being held up so high on such a breakable thread,
I needed to hear so many things that were left unsaid,
I’m lost but I’m hopeful,
I’m stubborn and wrong,
And I’m hardly wining in the war against apathy,
I’m not sick but I don’t feel good,
But there is so much pressure to be strong and always act happily,
I can’t let the world see,
They just wouldn’t understand,
And I will not change myself,
Won’t someone take me as I am?
I try so hard to be good enough,
But I never come close,
Now its time to grow up,
Move on,
And keep living my life,
Just hope my emotions and dreams catch up with reality soon





-they are kinda the same.
Faith